What can I say? I got through this week (albeit the lack of sleep) and I think I came out feeling or actually becoming more alive than ever. Yeah it sounds pretty oxymoronic but trust me when I say that God indeed gave me His strength because He really did.
Kingdom Invasion 2013 was amazing beyond words. I know 'amazing' is an overused word (at least by me) but to say that it's good is even an understatement. The presence of God was there from within the very first hour of the entire conference right up to even after I left the hall on the last night. And His presence was so strong, so great, so incredible - it was astounding - it literally squeezed out every drop of tear I had within me. I can never ever thank Him enough for His wonderful presence and love, especially to a person such as I. Undone was what happened to me and I had never felt so dirty and naked and poor and wrong in front of God; I'd never felt so undeserving of His love but He loved me all the same just like He did to everyone else in that hall.
Like what Randy and Tom said, they weren't here for just another conference; which was exactly what I told myself. I wasn't there just to be swayed and have a nice and holy tingling feeling and then leave the same way I came. I wanted to be, well I don't know... whacked and thrown and crushed (yes it is just that extreme) by the reality of God. I remembered on Day 1 after the praise and worship (of which God had already broken me piece by piece like a biscuit) I felt so giddy with joy and holy satisfaction that I actually told God "You know what, I think this is enough. Maybe wanting all of You is just too scary for me. Let's not have that."
And what a stupid, stupid prayer it was. God's conviction came so strongly over that day for me that I quickly repented of my foolishness and God did just what I initially prayed for on the second day. He crushed me so bad I was just so... sorry yet thankful. I felt so undeserving of His grace and mercy and blessings yet those were the very things that He gave to me. Same goes for when I got my results this semester. I was all like "Nah I'm not gonna get the same thing I got last sem" and I honestly doubted it. Of course it is a "good to have" but I believed that I "wouldn't get it again". So when it came I think I felt... indifferent? The light oh-my-gosh moment lasted for 10 minutes and I think that was it, because I came to know it while during KI in between a short break. I didn't even think about it at all until when the impartation sesh on Day 2 with Heidi, which really did it for me.
I'd like to think of it as God hitting my heart with His scepter and breaking it and pounding it into a powder mixture, as unlikely and as gross as it may sound. As I knelt before Him at the altar, I repented of all my stupidity and unbelief. I was so so sorry for doubting His blessings and grace toward me. Immediately after that I could hear Him speaking into my heart, saying that He has blessed me so that I could be a blessing to others, and How much He loved me. I was such a complete wreck with all the sobbing and I couldn't even understand why God would want to do that through a person like me. But I just accepted His love and was thankful for it, telling myself to never ever doubt His love and blessings toward me, which I pray I never would. And while this happened, "you will be the light to the world" was literally spoken over me and I think that does it. I have no more excuses for myself. Not anymore.
Come to think of it, in the past I used to pray "oh God use me as an instrument for Your glory" and when it actually happened I actually doubted it. Seriously Cindy what is wrong with you.
So now yes, I stand as a testimony to God's blessing over my life and indeed, it's "'Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit' says the Lord God Almighty." (Zechariah 4:6) that enabled me to achieve what God has helped me to achieve. All glory belongs to Him and Him alone.
And of course not to mention, the powerful hand of God to heal the sick. It was close to a thousand healings on the 3rd day and I witnessed them with my very own eyes and I was just so completely in awe. God indeed You never fail to take my breath away. I may not be sick but You healed me of my lack in faith and You replaced my old heart with a new one. And for that I just want to thank You.
The reason why I document this with so much details it's so that in the future when I look back, I would be reminded of God's goodness and grace in my life, and of course to bless others with this testimony. I serve a truly amazing and living and loving and mighty God and I pray that I would never underestimate His power, but hunger for more of Him each and every day of my life. Let this be the start of something greater; I am forever indebted to my Lord Jesus Christ and I will forever be grateful. Praise be to the Almighty Jehovah!! Hallelujah :)
P.S. Did I also mention that service today was also too awesome!? God You are so so so so good all the time. And all the time He is good hehehe ok bye kiddos :)
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