Remember I said something about me being lost?

Guess I'm not at all now. I know people are gonna talk and tongues are gonna wag and I'll have fingers pointing at me telling me that I'm such and such... but guess what? I've made my decision. And I'm proud of it. I'm proud of the fact that I ACTUALLY decided and I'm proud of my choice. I may not know what would be in store for me but I know I can do it. Call me naive or stupid, but too bad. I mean after all... no one is me.

-

Now to have faith to go through the every day challenges, and to trust God till the very end. At times like these, Ps Lia's Journey Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death is just too apt.

Holding on to God's promises forevermore mmhmm.

Wandering

I'm at such a loss right now I don't even know what to do. The 7-day ordeal has passed (and thankfully not as painful as I had braced myself for it to be) but here comes another giant: SIP decisions.

To put it in simple words I'm stuck in a dilemma, probably the biggest one in a long time. I mean even choosing my JAE wasn't this difficult. 3 years vs 20 weeks are two different stories. 

It's either A or B, left or right. So so so lost. And the feeling sure sucks. Big time. Kinda feeling desperation/frustration/sadness all in one right now. Heavy-hearted and all. 

I didn't even want it to be this way in the first place. Why do we have to go on internship again? Man I don't even wanna think anymore. I really really really really really really need help sigh :(

God would you help me?

Just thought of these exact words from the song which coincidentally are my favourite lines of a song (lol favourite lines) (no but seriously)

"All of my dreams

All of me

I surrender"

For the next 7 days I'll be on a roll all day and all night. Time management is extremely crucial to my survival this time. Sleep is of course of the essence but only at the very minimum. Nevertheless I'm not gonna just whack it but I'm going to wing it, all of it. Whatever it is, I'll do what I can.

Because God will do what I can't.

Awaiting what may come with so much anticipation.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Honest hour: I'm only updating now because in the last one week or so because I'd totally forgotten I had a blog HAHAHA no but seriously. I really did. Guess it just shows the immensity and intensity of events that'd been going on in the last few days. And it's really true: It was like outings after outings for 3 days straight ever since I came back from Bali! (Speaking of which, it was absolute fun!)

Bali trip photossss

 Stayed in a 2 star boutique hotel which was pretty cool omg i mean a swimming pool in the middle of nowhere?! Haha

First dinner of the trip!!! This place was a complete rip off lol coz expensive + not full and eventually we went for a second dinner/supper...

Day 2! Here is the start of the many sightseeing (mainly temples because they are the main attractions in Bali) so this is one of them. Dad paid Rp 50k each for us to have 15 min of fun on this 2-wheeled rider thinggy and gosh  IT WAS SUPER FUN

 Late lunch at a recommended nasi padang house which was quite good! The one we frequent in Jakarta is much better though

This shopping street (before a temple) was where I got my best buy of the trip lol I literally killed the price man, from a Rp80k white knitted sling bag to Rp30k YES I AM THE BARGAINING QUEEN mwahahaha 😌

Dinner at Pizza Hut!! Always a family choice hahaha and it really never gets old. ❤️❤️❤️ The avocado juice ah the price has been going up but who cares I mean AVOCADO JUS HALOOOO

Nasi uduk for breakfast THIS IS DA BOMB. One of the best meals in the entire trip and it's for less than sgd4?? Can't get this for the same price and exact same flavours anywhere here in SG. Also maybe a little too much spiciness in the morning but c'mon man it is nasi uduk.

Water sports at Tanjung Benua in the late morning!! This was the craaaazily fun water boat. Rode this twice coz apparently the guy didn't ride us around long enough for the time that we paid him to. The first time I was in Wira's place (photo was taken before our second ride) and our driver drove so fast I was thrown off the inflatable boat from behind and into the sea lololol it was a painful (coz I was like bobbing up and down on my seat?! Not in a cute way but more like thrown around lol. Kencang supirnya) yet hilarious experience. The second ride Wira got thrown off... twice. Guess he didn't believe me when I warned him to hold on to the handles super tightly haha! 😂 nevertheless it was tonsss of fun.

This was the flying fish that only Muk and I got to take (Wira took parasailing which looked 10x more fun) so we would be lying there on the boat and as the driver drives his boat super fast, the force of his boat + the waves would cause our err boat to actually float and fly up in the air for a few seconds. Pretty fun!!

 Went to visit a turtle conservation farm in the afternoon before our flight!! FINALLY knew the difference between a turtle and a tortoise hahaha kudos to Dad and his always inquisitive mind (also boldness to ask) this was quite interesting!

Lastttt photo of the trip at the airport before we parted ways 😢 Thanks Dad for making this trip happen and also for financing everything even when we buy the most useless stuff sometimes. Really had a great family time over this short trip. The fellowship was truly great! Surely Mum will be together with us during the next trip 🙆 

Hehe ok that's all for Bali so yup this post is really getting disjointed and all-sorts of weird maybe coz it's already 3:19 am so ok bye!!

Out of the ordinary

I have come to the realisation that I blog at the weirdest times, the weirdest hours. No explanation could justify this incomprehensible occurrence because I, for one, haven't even got a clue. Maybe it's the day's toll that has taken over my able and conscious mind (zoning out soon jeng jeng jeng jeng) to articulate my heart's words.

As much as I just want to drift off to sleep this instant, I can't. I can literally feel my eyelids gaining weight every other minute. But I guess the weight and immensity of the things that are running through my mind right now had just beaten my heavy eyelids hands down. So many happenings this season. One thing I am grateful for, however, is this year-end break. I could definitely use more of these holidays. The list of things to do are endless.

Finally a(n almost complete) family trip is put together. Bali is waiting for me in another 8 days or so and I am more than anticipating my arrival there too. I do wish mum would be there with us though. Then again, I'm believing for the day that it comes and I'm sure it will come soon.

So sad that people my age these days just don't treasure family relationships. Or maybe they just don't realise it yet. That is even more depressing because... well just think of the times, months, years lost to the time that it could have been used to build strong relationships. Any time is a good time but let's not hold it for any longer, and live a life of loving others.

That being said, a proper disclaimer to say right now is that no one in my family is dying of any terminal disease. Seriously.

Let's just say it's convictions. Deep, deep-rooted convictions.

Aaaand it's time to hit the sack.

Priorities

WHAT YEAR IS IT ALREADY

HAHAHAHAHA

Anyhow, it's 3 weeks (2 and a half to be precise) into school and at this moment in time I can almost literally feel the waves and waves of new responsibilities and projects coming right in my face.

Not that it's being a real burden (fine it actually is) but maybe the real pressure comes with having to juggle many things at once. It's either that I really have a lot of things to handle or I am just plain messy. For now I think it's both. Let's see, there's school which includes tutorials, assignments, projects, visiting sites etc and then there's also work, church, ministry, household chores, (my much-needed) family time and other little things...

I have to organise my time and my life pronto. Or maybe pronto x2.

It's kinda sad how I almost always encounter this at some point in my life. But on the super bright side, things will always work out for good. Like 99.9% of the time. I think that as much as it takes prayer, it also takes hard work, and lots of sacrifice....

Aiya can one la.

Here I go!

Beautiful and broken

Human emotions, like fire, is both a friend and a foe. On one hand it makes a human human, but on the other extreme end, it can burn off and extinguish relationships altogether. I guess it can even destroy ourselves and mess us up upside down, inside out. Much as having emotions is a "natural" thing, I thank God that we are made smart enough to be able to control them and not the other way around. I know since young I've been pretty much led by my own emotions. But I'm thankful I found Jesus, a God who isn't guided by emotions. He doesn't stop doing good things just because He doesn't feel like it. In this case, depending on feelings can be a deadly thing. And once again I'm thankful that I can not depend on my own feelings, but I can depend on God. Humanly (again) it is "stupid" or "naive" to place complete trust in someone else, much more if the "someone else" is invisible. But having trusted (and still trusting) in an invisible God for quite some time, I think I like it this way better than having to live life by my own strength and emotions. It's less tiring and the results are most often effective (if I have to say so myself ha ha). And by relying on Him I can compare myself then and now- I'm less self-conscious, less over-sensitive, less grudging, less emotional. I think that's one of the many beautiful things of being a Christian, being Christ-like, and moulding oneself to be more like Him. You can't chase after God's heart and not be transformed. But having said that, I'm thankful that God isn't like a genie in a lamp who grants your wishes instantly. Everything takes time, especially building faith and trust. Up till now, I'm still improving, still changing, still drawing myself closer to be more and more like Jesus. Struggles are all around but hey, what matters is not how I start, but how I end.

Above all, I thank God with all my heart that He is God, and I am not.

Alas,

The holidays are here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think the number of exclamation marks explains it all haha! I have been waiting for this for soooo long it feels pretty surreal now. As much as I was so sad about CP ending, I really do think that I (along with everyone else) deserve this break.

Speaking of CP, I don't think I've ever laughed and cried so much and so hard in a day (last Friday). It indeed was an appropriate farewell, and I am just so so so proud of every individual and group who won an award. Everyone has come a long long way- we have been through heaven and hell all in 4 months. The past 18 weeks in the different kitchens has shaped me in a way that it had changed the way I think and the way I do things both in and out of school, which really caused a lifestyle change. It is somewhat true that onlookers see us and think we're crazy (in a sense), but I really enjoyed it. From now I don't think I'll ever complain about having 9 am classes (on certain days in a week) anymore because that can't possibly beat waking up at 530 am every morning. Come to think of it, I think it's really mad. The good kind of mad.

During CP I have learnt so much it's truly incredible. And like Chef Gypsy said "the kitchen is a magical place"-damn right it is. It's magical coz you learn how to create a something out of a nothing. And you forge friendships that you thought could have never been possible. I really like the fact that we are just 60 but we're a strong 60. We're a hardworking, food-loving 60. And we're amazing *flips hair*

For now I can't say that I really really really really miss CP coz I'm truly enjoying my holidays. But I think I'll get to there soon enough. Meanwhile I'm off to enjoy the next two months ha! Ttfn!

Short update!

I didn't realise my previous post was so long ago coz it definitely doesn't feel like it. Or maybe it does... But you get my point.

Anyhoots, life's been good! July was an absolutely amazing month which I enjoyed so much due to a reason too many that I can't count ha ha. School is taking up much of my time but I think it is a good thing? I've learnt so much in the past weeks and I'm actually honestly excited to go to school every day woohoo!

Attending church regularly has also added so much into my life i.e. super powerful sermons week in week out (like today's for eg!!) I'm ever so thankful to be in an amazing church with amazing company. Plus I've started guitar lessons OH YEAH you didn't hear me wrong this time. I can see one of the new year resolutions I've made earlier this year coming to pass already yay! Ah and I've started ushering in church which is really really great because I got to know more people and learnt a lot of new stuff!

Honestly it's crazy how I'm actually "committing" myself into so many activities at possibly the busiest and most difficult time of my Poly life. The old me would never ever have done this. It's not that I don't have enough things on my plate already (c'mon there's Culi Prac, I mean Culi Prac), but when I think about it, "if not now, then when?" I thought it was high time for me to stop procrastinating and lazing around and not walk my talk and instead make the right decisions, be committed and disciplined. True enough, I can slowly see the fruits of my intentional and purposeful sowing. In the last weeks I have achieved (in all ways) much more that I've ever did in my past years: I've made more right decisions this season than in the last. And the feeling is simply gratifying and is so so so good.

On the flipside this long weekend is ending boohoo. Nevertheless I'm grateful!! And I know there'll always be better and greater things in store. Positive expectation positive expectation.

All I wanna say is...

I had (by far) one of the busiest yet the most fun and most exciting weekend everrrrrrrrrr! That includes spending a lot of time in church making a card (considered the first I've ever made in more than a year oops) for Fedora which is sooooooo nice I think I even surprised myself ha ha. Plus all the fun, food, faith and fellowship - it's really great to be in the house of God!!

Anyway school's been crazy and I think it's gonna get even crazier. 2 submissions and a presentation this week on top of the hectic usual drill is probably (and literally) gonna blow me away. Nevertheless I know I can do this!!!!! God's the strength of my heart amen!? Hehe woop woop

So it's back to school tomorrow!!! And it's already the beginning of July wow wow wow I really cannot believe it. On a super good note I'm finally starting "work" at Top Table tomorrow I am so so so so excited!! Idk who's reading this but pls come and sappork me by coming to eat hahaha I will love you many many.

July's gonna be another amazing month I can feel it in my bones already mmm yeah