Stand

I am having very mixed feelings. I can feel confusion, anxiety, excitement, stress, anticipation churning in the depths of my emotions simultaneously. And this sucks coz I've come to the point where I just feel like digging and scraping each one of them out of my being and throw them into the sea. It's like there's so much feelings I am feeling that I don't know how to describe what I actually and exactly feel. And then comes the thoughts about the past, present and the future. Mostly the future though, bcoz there's so much uncertainty in what is about to happen that it drives me (almost) insane just thinking about it. I need to calm down. Think less. Relax more. Stop being a worrywart. Observe more. Talk less. Listen more. And the list goes on and on.

Been thinking about how it would be like if I were to be able to travel to the different parts of the world in, say, a year. Alone, of course. Picturing myself stuffing my travel necessities in a fat luggage, grabbing my passport, scooting off to Changi Airport, buying the earliest ticket that brings me to, say, Chiangmai. Oh gosh how I miss that place. Then upon arrival I will take a tuk-tuk to bring me to the orphanage to see the kids I have missed so much. From there it will be to Cambodia to immerse myself in the rich heritage there, then to Dubai to see the skyscrapers, then to Paris to have macaroons and tea, down to New Zealand to trek forests and climb mountains, to Sydney to watch operas... And the list goes on and on.

Back to reality.

And life moves on and on.