One of those nights where I lay on my bed, ready to rest for the night. But no, my mind just has to have a million and one things running through it. I could pretty much imagine a scene in my head; my thoughts are like cars in a congested road junction. It seems like every other thing there is to think about just surfaced itself to the magnifying glass where my brain will scrutinize everything there is about that very thought. And under that microscopic eyes that my brain has, each thought will keep cloning itself and link itself to any other thing that it can possibly link to. Weird as this may sound, that's how my thoughts are processed in my mind.
I'm a thinker, the daydreamer kind. My brain extracts a random thought from my sea of thoughts and I began to ponder over it, reflecting on my own actions, fantasizing about how different the outcome of a situation would have been if I were to take step B instead of step A. Then comes the judging. I do a lot of self-criticism, and I guess this has brought about a great deal of good consequences, not forgetting the bad ones too. Things like "I should have been kinder", "I shouldn't have uttered anything", "I should have helped this person" or "I should have prayed for that person" are just some of the words I would scold myself with. And I sort of take every "lesson" that I taught myself pretty seriously. I don't know if this is what you call being strong-willed or plain stubborn, and it never once occurred to me that I had actually behaved this way until just recently, but I can be certain that this new trait of mine has changed me quite a fair bit.
Hmm here I am, thinking about my thoughts at 12:40am. I should really be a psychologist.
