Before I start, can I just say that this post might just be slightly more morbid than normal?
I can't deny how there are more people using that cursed term nowadays, whether they mean it or not. Worse, the skinny uses it more than those who aren't. And honestly I find it annoying and most of all, it hurts - at least for me. I don't know if I'm the only one but I find it offensive when a person who is clearly not overweight uses it, much more offensive than the F (swear) word itself. So if anyone is reading this and you have identified yourself as my target audience, then 1) congratulations 2) keep reading 3) continue using the word if you must.
Since young my weight has been above average, I was plump and chubby and definitely not skinny. I was perfectly fine with it until all the teasing and bullying comes when I was in primary school in Jakarta back then. All the name-calling, booing and what-nots came from the boys, of course. Yeah I may have many gal pals whom I hang out with in school, but I don't have a one that's close enough to stand up from me and shield me from the menace. The wound that had developed in my heart was exposed to showers of salt every other day. It got so bad that I came home from school one day bawling my eyes out, and my hatred for myself and my body was at its climax. I detested myself and I was always wishing that I was born stick thin. I guess it was also because of this that I became extremely shy. I was the epitome of a coward, an introvert. I was buried under the piles of hurt and insults which had deformed my mental state as a 7 year-old.
Coming to Singapore surely changed things. I was in a completely different environment and it was far different from the hell I had. My timidness was slowly fading away when I was with my new friends and I guess now I can't even be labelled as "quiet" anymore. But even now, I do have the prickly feeling in my heart whenever someone abuses the word "fat" because that word carried a lot of negative emotions and horrible memories for me. If you, skinny person, try to tell me "oh my gosh I ate so much I am going to be fat" / "my stomach/legs/arms are fat" I would definitely snap back at you. Yes I know I can't blame anyone for using that word, but I guess it had just affected me to such an extent. The skinny have no idea what the fat has gone through, this I can be absolutely sure of. And I really do not think that the skinny can put themselves in the fat's (huge) shoes.
If anyone reads this, I want to tell you that I'm not doing this to gain your pity, not at all. In fact I totally hate it when people who don't know me well try to tell me / console me that I'm not fat. I think it's rude, because only I know my own body well enough to judge myself. But then again, it's not like as if I can ban the skinny from using the word "fat". I guess I just want those of you who are clearly not fat to stop using the word in front of my face for whatever reason. It's my ultimate pet peeve, really.
Actually... I don't know why I typed this either. Argh blame it on my sea of never-ending thoughts while in the shower.
